


Cage

by himekohimura



Series: Juntoshi Chronicles [1]
Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M, argument, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:26:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himekohimura/pseuds/himekohimura
Summary: They’ve never talked seriously about their relationship and maybe it’s time they did. It’s their 15th year anniversary as Arashi. Eight years together. Not once had they called it anything than just an arrangement.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written after rewatching all of their 15th anniversary stuff and just seeing the way the others reacted to Ohno and the muse ran with it.

”Jun-kun?” 

The hotel mattress below him his soft while the man above him gives nothing but a steely glare. Satoshi blinks up at him sleepily. It’s late and they’ve barely had any real time to get over jet lag no matter how strange the hours they kept were. He tests the other’s grip on his wrists and they don’t give so Satoshi relaxes a bit into the mattress, knowing that he won’t be moving from this spot until Jun says his piece. 

He has a feeling he knows exactly what it is, though. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jun’s voice is harsh, cracking. He’s kept it together until all the cameras were off, smiling and laughing with the others but there are no cameras here in the hotel room Satoshi had been dragged into, nothing to stop Jun from expressing himself fully. “Why?!” 

This is exactly why, Satoshi wants to say, but he doesn’t. He knows what will make things worse with Jun. “Because you would have tried to convince me to stay,” he shrugs as well as he can with his hands pinned above him. “And I would have left.” Jun’s expression twists painfully and Satoshi feels a bit of his heart twist as well. He hates seeing Jun like this. “I don’t feel that any more though,” he feels compelled to add. 

“You wanted to leave me,” Jun doesn’t seem to hear Satoshi’s words. “We were…that was when we…” 

“When we first started sleeping together?” Satoshi adds mildly and Jun gives him an annoyed look. “Yeah, it was. And it helped. That’s why I got over it.” 

“Four years later.” Jun’s voice is back to being steel and Satoshi swallows the urge to sigh. They’ve been through a lot together as a group and as a couple. At first it had been a way to deal with stress, to get rid of pent up energy. But now it was…different. More. 

They’ve never put a name to what they have, or at least Satoshi hasn’t. He doesn’t feel compelled to put a label on something like this. There is no label that would fit. He thinks that Jun has one in his head, but he never mentions it out loud. Satoshi thinks it’s a pride thing so he ignores it. 

“I just wanted to be free,” Satoshi says and looks away from Jun. “We were…young and in a cage. A pretty cage with lots of fun things to do, but a cage nonetheless.” 

“We’re still in that cage,” Jun reminds the other harshly and the edges of Satoshi’s mouth twitches upward but he shakes his head. 

“It was worse,” Satoshi meets Jun’s gaze again. “And we weren’t serious about this then.” Jun’s face changes. Or, it closes up faster than Satoshi’s seen it do in a long time and he wonders what he said wrong. The other is off him in the next instant, sitting at the edge of the bed and Satoshi sits up to look at him. “Jun?” 

“I was always serious,” Jun says, back turned on the older. “I was never not serious.” 

Satoshi blinks at that, confused. “But you said—“ 

“I was a kid, Satoshi. And you were…you wanted me. When no one else did.” They both knew the ‘no one’ wasn’t no one at all. “I thought if I didn’t keep it casual you wouldn’t want me anymore.” 

Satoshi doesn’t know what to say to that. He was a different person then. Jun was a different person then. Instead he moves over to Jun, wraps his arms around the other’s shoulders and leans his head on the other’s hair. “I didn’t know that.” 

Jun snorts. “We apparently didn’t know anything about each other then.” 

“Of course we didn’t, we were young. We weren’t...Arashi.” The growing pains of their group affected them all in different ways but also made them stronger for it. They were stronger together than they were apart. Satoshi sees that now. “And it’s true, I probably wouldn’t have wanted you if it weren’t casual. I wasn’t someone…I didn’t want to…” 

And this is probably the hardest part for him to admit to Jun, who waits for his response patiently. “I wanted it to be casual because I thought that I was going to quit then. I wanted to paint and fish and dance but on my own terms. But somehow you…you made me want to stay. Make me want to stay.” 

Jun turns around then and Satoshi has to let Jun go so that he can do that. “What do you mean by that?” he asks and as casual as the question sounds from Jun’s lips he knows it’s serious by the way Jun won’t look anywhere else but in his eyes. 

It’s obvious what Jun wants. They’ve never talked seriously about their relationship and maybe it’s time they did. It’s their 15th year anniversary as Arashi. Eight years together. Not once had they called it anything than just an arrangement. When Jun doesn’t get an immediate answer he sighs and stands up and starts pacing. Satoshi watches him from the bed. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Satoshi says finally after watching Jun pace for a bit. 

“I don’t want you to say anything but the truth,” Jun finally stops and looks at him again. His arms are crossed, defensive. As if what Satoshi has to say would hurt him. “We’ve been together for a long time, Satoshi. I’m tired of this sometimes, the not saying.” 

“I’m not the only one who does it,” Satoshi points out. 

“Yes, but I’m pretty certain I know what you are to me and you know what you are to me.” Satoshi doesn’t respond to that, an admission of sorts. “What I’m never sure of is what I am to you. After what you said today…” Jun shakes his head. “I feel even more confused and I don’t think we should go on into the next 15 years of our career without talking about this.” 

“Why not?” Satoshi doesn’t want to put words to it. “Giving it a name…a label…is another…” cage, he finishes in his head when he realizes what it sounds like, but Jun knows exactly what he was about to say, they haven’t been together for these past 15 years and not be able to finish each other’s sentences. 

“A cage?” Jun’s eyes narrow. Satoshi winces. 

“It’s not like that.” 

“Then what is it? Put it bluntly, Satoshi. What am I to you?” 

“I…” he looks up at Jun, distressed, but finds no mercy in Jun’s eyes. 

The younger abruptly turns around and reaches for his wallet and phone. “Jun?” 

“If you don’t want to put a label on this, that’s fine. But you can’t even tell me what I am to you, and I’m tired of waiting for it,” Jun sighs as he heads for the door. “Good-bye, Satoshi.” 

“Jun?” Satoshi stands up then, but the younger is already gone, the door clicking close behind him. 


	2. Chapter 2

Nino doesn't like getting involved in their shit, but Satoshi has no one to go to with this. Aiba wasn't exactly a well of information when it came to long-term relationships and Sho gives terrible advice when it comes to Jun. Nino might be harsh sometimes with his words, but he always knew the right thing to say, the right way for Satoshi to deal with Jun.

“Just tell him what he wants to hear already,” Nino says exasperated even as he pets Satoshi's hair fondly, letting the other drape over his lap. “J doesn't like it when people are cryptic, you know this.”

“I've never had to say it before,” Satoshi grumbles into Nino's thigh.

“You never dropped a bomb like this before,” Nino pokes viciously into Satoshi's side, making the other curl up in protest. “Which, by the way, I'm still angry at you for keeping from me. Me, your best friend. Or at least I _thought_ I was.”  
Satoshi mumbles something incoherent and Nino pokes him again, making him whine in annoyance. “I said, because you would have tried to convince me to stay.”

“Well, yeah. Because we can't go on without you.”

“I knew that. That's why I didn't say anything. That's why I didn't want to say anything,” Satoshi makes another annoyed sound. “I should have just kept it to myself. I hate this place.”

“You just hate how emotional you've gotten in your old age,” Nino pets the other's hair. It's true that Satoshi's been unusually forthcoming since they've come back to Hawaii. He's always been sort of an open book to Nino but Hawaii has brought to light things that even Nino didn't know. He sighs heavily. “You should go find J.”

“I just fought with him.”

“Yeah, and leaving it to simmer overnight isn't going to help things at all.”

“Talking to him now won't help things either,” Satoshi grumbles. Nino pushes the other off his lap and Satoshi makes a surprised noise.

“You know that's not true at all,” Nino's voice raises a bit, but he's not angry, just determined. They can't afford any fighting right now, not when there are hundreds of cameras on them and it's their 15th anniversary for goodness sake. “Go talk to him.”

“I don't know where he is,” Satoshi's face is planted into the bed sheets, unmoving. Nino kicks him. Hard. “Ow!”

“Fine then,” Nino grabs his phone and sends Jun a text before gathering his handhelds and Satoshi's room key. “You didn't have sex today have you?”

“What? No, we've been fighting.”

“Good.” The doorbell rings and then a knock. Nino smirks and heads for the door before Satoshi can grab him and keep him from it.

“Nino, are you okay? Do you need me to get someone for your bac—Nino? Where are you--?”

“He's all yours,” Nino says as he pushes past a stunned Jun. “Don't leave until you guys clear this up yeah?”

“What do you...” Jun trails off when he realizes that Satoshi is sitting up in the bed.

“Lube's in the drawer!” Nino calls into the room as the door shuts, but the two aren't paying attention anymore. They stare at each other for a few seconds longer after Nino's left before Jun sighs and leans against the wall.

“Of course you came to Nino,” Jun shakes his head.

“Was I not supposed to?” Satoshi questions quietly from the bed, eyes watching Jun warily. Jun shrugs and sits down on the chair farthest away from the bed. “Are you still angry?”

Jun lets out a puff of air, rolling his eyes. “Angry? You think I'm angry?”

“Well...” Satoshi trails off, letting Jun finish the sentence for him in the space left between them.

“I'm hurt, Satoshi. You said you wanted to leave the group. Pretty much implied that our relationship is nothing more than another cage that you can't stand to put a name to,” Jun stands in his frustration, starts pacing.

“Our relationship isn't a cage,” Satoshi reaches out after Jun's done a few rounds on the floor in front of him. Jun stops and turns to Satoshi who has his eyes fixed to the ground. He has Jun's arm in a rough grip, long fingers curling over his bicep.

“Then what is it?”

“It's never been a cage. You...made me feel free,” Satoshi bites at his lip. “In a world where I felt suffocated, you were...air.” Satoshi is desperate, holding onto Jun's arm in a steel grip that even with all the muscle training Jun has done could never break. “Yours. I'm yours. Isn't that enough?”

Jun looks at Satoshi, who looks up at him with eyes that hold everything Jun wants. But he doesn't know if he believes it. Doesn't know if he wants to trust Satoshi who could easily rip his heart in two. “Please,” Satoshi says after the silence goes on for too long. “I...” he gulps down some air before forcing it out. It's true, anyway, and Jun won't be satisfied with anything less than these words, even though it feels strange, almost wrong to say when it's not this simple. “I love you.”

Jun feels his entire body freeze and melt at the same time. “Don't say that if you don't mean it,” Jun warns harshly, pulling away from Satoshi who finally lets him. “Don't ever say that unless you mean it.”

“But I do,” Satoshi says. “I do mean it. I love you, Jun-kun. I...I have for a long time now. I just...” Satoshi finally looks away. “I just don't want to say it because...it's cheap. The words aren't...enough.”

Jun looks at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“They aren't enough,” Satoshi looks at Jun with eyes that reflect a desperate truth. “It doesn't...It's not enough.” He pauses long enough for Jun to almost break the silence with his own words when Satoshi finally says something. “It's...like with Arashi, you're more than just...family. You're a different thing. More than love I...You're...Jun.” Satoshi's eyes are watering. “You're just Jun. My Jun. Or...if you don't want to be I--”

Jun wraps his arms around Satoshi suddenly, cutting him off. He's heard what he needs to hear. “That's all I wanted,” Jun says, burying his face into Satoshi's shoulder. “I just needed to know that you wanted me too. You don't know how much it hurt to not know.”

  
Satoshi tries to stop them, but the tears are already leaving his eyes. He's been such a baby since he's gotten to Hawaii, a mess of tears and snot. “I didn't want to say it until I could figure out a way to say it all,” Satoshi sobs out. “I wanted it to mean everything.”

“You're an absolute idiot,” Jun says back and Satoshi can hear the tears in Jun's voice too and that sends him into another wave of sobbing and the two of them cling to each other. Later they'll blame the emotions in the room to alcohol or pretend to forget it all together when questioned the next day on why both their eyes are puffy and red, but for now they come together in a wet kiss, affirmation and love in every touch. It's something they never allowed each other or themselves, not in this way. Jun, because he was afraid that Satoshi didn't actually love him at all and Satoshi because he was afraid of not expressing himself correctly. Now that everything is laid to bare, the two don't hold themselves back.

Satoshi kisses all the skin he can reach as he sheds every thread off of Jun's body. The sheets are cool to touch as he pushes Jun down onto the bed so that he kiss down the other's chest, reaching his goal with a long swipe of his tongue. Jun's moans are loud, echoing in Satoshi's ears as he takes the other into his mouth, moving in a gentle rhythm until he has Jun squirming and pulling at his hair.

He pops off of Jun with a wide smile and eyes shining in a way that has Jun rolling his eyes and pulling him up so he can taste himself on the other's tongue. Their cocks slide against each other's and they groan into each other's mouths, tongues tangling heatedly as they chase the pleasure together.

Jun's the one who reaches for it first, grabs the lube from the drawer and presses it into Satoshi's hand. The smaller blinks and then smiles. The cap clicks open and Satoshi coats his fingers before pushing at Jun's chest. The other goes without protest, smiling up at Satoshi in that way that makes his heart contract painfully and his insides burn. He swallows down the sudden wave of affection that makes him want to just smother the other with kisses and hugs. Instead, he pushes Jun's legs apart and settles between them, lubed hand reaching down to run a finger from Jun's balls down to the hole that twitches with his touch. They don't usually do it this way, but Jun moans encouragingly, legs spread wide as Satoshi stretches him.

It's almost too tempting to go faster with the way Jun is writhing on the sheets, beautiful in his pleasure, but Satoshi has always been patient and he continues to tease until Jun is demanding that he be taken. Only then does he slide his fingers out and slides himself in while Jun curls his legs around him, thrusting back into the first stroke and every that comes after, demanding and impatient in ways he usually isn't and Satoshi can't help but thrust harder into the man below him, the man who he's fallen so deeply for that he can't imagine a life without him.

“My Jun,” he whispers against Jun's lips when he leans forward to capture them, a hand between their bodies as he bends the other in half. “Mine.”

“Yes,” Jun hisses out, hands knotted into Satoshi's hair, pulling at it as his orgasm breaks over him. “Satoshi.” His name draws out into a long moan as the other spills between them and Satoshi groans as he follows suit, filling Jun up and then some, caught up in the high of emotions as Jun kisses every part that he can reach. It takes a few minutes before he realizes that Jun is speaking, repeating a line over and over. “I love you.”

Satoshi smiles, nuzzling slightly at the other's cheek before planting a kiss there. “I love you too.” The way Jun's eyes light up, the happiness he sees there makes it worth saying even though the words still don't feel like enough. One day he'll figure out how to say everything he feels, but he guesses, if it's for Jun's sake, he can at least say these words until then. 


End file.
